Eli Manning and the Jerk Test

The poster boy for the jerk test.

Some of you might remember on our very first SOS podcast, Ray and I were having a discussion on quarterbacks. He brought up a very good point when discussing why Tony Romo wasn't having the success many thought he should be. That point was that Tony Romo is just too nice of a guy. He said that if you look at successful NFL QBs a lot of them appear to be jerks, Ben Roethlisberger is the crown jewel of this theorem. I found this fascinating and decided that maybe the "jerk test", as I decided to call it, was a good way of measuring quarterbacks. And to be completely honest when applying the jerk test to many NFL quarterbacks, many of the successful ones pass.

Look at Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers, have you ever noticed that whenever he scores he obnoxiously puts an imaginary championship belt on his waist? Doesn't it piss you off but because he's so good you can't say anything about it? Well Packers fans may think this is me ripping on their franchise QB but it's not. It's me saying Rodgers passes my "jerk test" and therefore, will be able to succeed as an NFL QB.

The king of the "F-U".

Not good enough for you? What about Peyton Manning. Doesn't he just ooze of that control freak like jerkyness? That's him passing the jerk test. Tom Brady? Any time you're coach is evil genius Bill Belichick and you participate in running up the score on teams, you probably pass the jerk test. Mike Vick? I think we all know why he passes the jerk test. Phillip Rivers, Cam Newton, Jay Cutler! All guys who on paper pass the jerk test and have had some level of success in the NFL.

So maybe there really is something to this jerk test. Maybe NFL QBs need to be able to have that "F-U" attitude from time to time so they can take total control of their team and let everyone know they're the alpha dog in the room. Maybe they need to show other players on their team and players on the other team not to mess with them. Maybe NFL quarterbacks need to be jerks.

Proving this man is a jerk is no easy task.

After trial and error it just seemed like every great quarterback some way, shape or form had just the right amount of jerk in them. This made me feel great about Ray and my new theory on quarterbacks but made me feel not so great about something else.. My favorite team, the New York Giants, have a quarterback more likely to say "awhh shucks" than "oh s**t!". Eli Manning just seems like a happy go lucky fella who wouldn't hurt a fly! HOW ARE MY GIANTS SUPPOSED TO WIN WHEN THEIR QUARTERBACK IS SO GOSH DARN NICE! On paper it didn't seem like Eli Manning passed the jerk test.. This was very discouraging. But wait a second? He DID lead my Giants to a Super Bowl title not so long ago so maybe there is hope. Than I remembered his draft day in 2004. A day where he was picked by the San Diego Chargers but said he would refuse to play with them and forced his way to my Giants. This gave me hope until I began to fear that maybe his father, Archie Manning, had more to do with this apparent D-bag move than Eli. Archie was always a good NFL quarterback, it's not out of the realm for him to pass the jerk test. All hope seemed to be lost. I was stuck to rooting for a team who's quarterback, by all accounts, seemed to be a great guy. I know, it does't get any worse than that! Then something magical happened. Something I was sure was sent from the heavens themselves down onto me as both a Giants fan and co-inventor of the jerk test! A story about Plaxico Burress being disappointed with Eli Manning for not visiting or communicating with him when he was in prison. These men were partners for years on the Giants and Eli couldn't do so much as to write Plax a letter when he was in jail! What a jerk!! What a beautiful jerk! Yes! Eli manning is a jerk and the proof is all in this yahoo story: Plaxico Burress vents on Eli Manning Tom Coughlin. Now Eli Manning is in the middle of his greatest season to date! Coincidence? I think not, my friend! What an awesome, magnificent, wonderful bastard!

Unfortunately for some fans, their teams aren't as lucky when it comes to having a jerk quarterback as the Giants are. Jerks like Eli Manning don't grow on trees you know! (I am totally loving this.) Teams like the the Falcons, Cowboys and Redskins all have quarterbacks who come up with failing grades on the jerk test, and therefore may be in trouble. Tony Romo, Matt Ryan, John Beck... Grow a pair a piss some people off! Turn over some tables in the locker room! Park in a handicap parking spot ! Do something, ANYTHING to pass the jerk test. I once heard a story about Tony Romo helping people on the side of the road with a broken down car. This should make Cowboy fans sick! This man is not a jerk.

As of now I can't name a current quarterback who is successful and doesn't have a little bit of jerk inside of them. Maybe one day there will be an exception to the rule. Doesn't every rule have an exception? I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Can he be the exception to the rule?

But as for now I'm content, because Eli is just enough of a jerk for me.

Class Dismissed,
Student of Sports



PS: Expect the picks up either later today or sometimes tomorrow.

AJ and the Goldfish

I wasn't anticipating writing this post today because I intend on doing an NFL preview tomorrow but something has been nagging at me that I just have to let out...

AJ BURNETT DOES NOT HAVE THE TOOLS TO BE A SUCCESSFUL MLB PITCHER!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhhhhhh yeah.. that felt good. The proverbial rock has been lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I could run a marathon, climb a mountain, I'M AS FREE AS A BIRD!

Geez, these last couple posts have certainly brought ouy my sarcastically enthusiastic side..

But seriously, I am so sick and tired listening to and reading what people say about AJ Burnett. We all now that in terms of stuff, he is very talented. But since when in sports has physical ability alone been all you need? If somebody born with all the physical tools to be a great player was automatically supposed to be the best player, why isn't Vince Carter one of the best players in basketball? Why was Jamarcus Russell such a ginormous failure? Do you want to know why? They only have half the tools. Because they lack what makes guys like Tom Brady and Derek Jeter great. Mental toughness.

Do you know who knew this better than anyone? Earl Woods. He made sure that there would be nobody mentally tougher than his son, Eldrick. (aka Tiger for those of you who haven't figured this out yet.) Unfortunately for Tiger, he discovered that just like physical ability, you can injure your mental toughness. But, like him or not, in his prime Tiger Woods was the perfect example of mental toughness.

And that brings us to AJ.. Who, by my guess, has about as much mental toughness of a goldfish (I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to the goldfish community), only has half of the tools. Not all the tools, half the tools. And with only half the tools you need to be a successful Major League Baseball pitcher, how good is his potential really? It seems to me like his potential is about a 13-11 season with an era around 4. (His average season according to Baseball-Reference) And if that's what his true potential is than there is no point in us, as fans, to expect anything more out of him.

Mental toughness doesn't seem to be something you just pick up like a new pitch one off-season, this is something you're born with or develop shortly after birth. You either got it or you don't, and for our poor AJ.. He don't.  When I look at AJ Burnett I don't see an insanely gifted pitcher who is just not putting all the pieces together, I see a pitcher with good physical ability but will just never be good enough mentally to be a front end starter. I see a run of the mill, 4th or 5th starter.

Do you know why I'm confident that I'm correct? Confident AJ has hit his peak as a starter? The guy has been a .500 starter his entire career with an era under 4 only 5 times in a 13 year career! He's only had one good season.. Only one year where you can say he was definitely better than that 13-11 4.00 stat line I threw at you before. Plain and simple, AJ Burnett is just not that good. He doesn't have all the tools and the worst part is that, due to age, he's beginning to lose the only tools he used to have.

It's sad actually that such enormous expectation have been put on somebody with no chance of fulfilling them. He was set up to fail.

So as a Yankee fan I have a bit of advice for my fellow members of Yankee Universe. Next time AJ Burnett makes a start put the aspirin, stress ball, bottle of scotch, and pistol away and just accept him for what it is. Stop setting yourself up for disappointment and stop setting him up to disappoint. Face the facts, he's just not that good and never will be.

Class Dismissed,
Student of Sports

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